Story + Post

[dark_rebellion]

[Story] Overcoming Trauma

The study in the Sakaki household was probably one of the more quieter areas of the house, so Yuto often gravitated towards it if he felt like spending a quiet moment to himself, that wasn't his own bedroom. He tended to use it as a reading room, where he would spend time reading the latest book he had, so Yushou wasn't surprised when he entered the room and found him in there.

Yuto casually looked up as his father entered.

"Ah, I had a feeling you would be in here!" Yushou commented in his usual jovial style. Yuto responded to him with a small smile.

"Well, it is one of the quieter areas of the house. It's a good place to read."

"Right! Right!" There was a pause from Yushou for a second, before he continued. "Actually, I was wondering if we could talk for a moment."

Yuto quietly exchanged glances with Yushou, before marking the page he was on in the book, placing it down and taking off his reading glasses, placing them on top of the book.

"Alright." he replied. "I've been expecting this for a while."

"So you know what this is about?" Yushou questioned. Yuto gave him a nod. He had a slight uncomfortable look on his face, knowing this conversation wasn't going to be an easy one.
With that, Yushou calmly sat in a chair opposite his son.

"Just so you know, I'm not angry or disappointed with you with what happened in that duel last year against that Ancient Gear deck." Yushou reassured him. "I know it's a difficult area for you and that you were overall going through a hard time back then, which is why I wanted to wait until I knew for sure you were in a better headspace for this conversation. It's something we do need to discuss."

"I ... still feel a lot of shame for how much control I lost back then." Yuto replied. "That kid I dueled... I don't think I've even seen him at the Super Junior League since that duel. I really hope I didn't scare him away from dueling altogether."

"I think you can see why the Ancient Gears being a trigger for you is something we need to work on." Yushou told him. "Right now, it's set up at the Super Junior League that you aren't to be put in a duel against someone using an Ancient Gear deck, but if you wish to seriously pursue dueling as a career option then... that kind of arrangement won't be sustainable in the long run and you can't risk having reactions like that every time you face an Ancient Gear deck. It wouldn't be healthy for you, or your opponent."

"I know." Yuto replied. "But... I'm just not sure how to fix it. Those memories of the attack on Heartland always feel so fresh in my mind. Even though I know that I don't need to fear it anymore, those irrational thoughts and memories take over."

"Trauma is a difficult thing to work through." Yushou told him. "It can take a long time, and it's not an easy journey, with as many steps back as there are forward sometimes.
In the end, how we deal with this will be up to you. If you feel this is something that might be too difficult for you to overcome, then there is no shame in stepping away from professional dueling. It isn't something any of us would think less of you for and you have a writing career you are doing well with.
Though, if dueling is still a career path you want to consider, then I may have something we can try to help tackle your trauma with Ancient Gears, but it may not be an easy path."

Yuto remained silent as he considered the choices that his father had laid out before him.
It was true that he had the writing career he was building to fall back on, but he enjoyed both that and dueling. With both, it gave him the ability to connect with and move people in different ways.
He wasn't ready to give up on dueling, but if he was going to continue on that path, he needed to face the trauma that haunted him.

"I still want dueling as a career option." he replied. "What's this idea you have?"

"I think what we need to do is change what you associate the Ancient Gears with to something more positive, rather than the negative associations you currently have."

Yuto raised an eyebrow at Yushou with a questioning look. "How would we do that?"

Yushou gave his son a rather knowing smile, that told him he already had some sort of an idea.

"There's something I've been working on for the last few months with SAI. " he explained. "There's someone there I'd like you to meet."

"Someone you want me to meet...?"

Yuto momentarily seemed unsure about this, but Yushou, seeing this, placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I can't promise this will work or improve things, but I think it's worth a try. Do you trust me with this, Yuto?"

Yuto gave a nod in response.

"Of course I do."

Satisfied with the answer, Yushou removed his hand from Yuto's shoulder.

"Alright. Then we'll head to SAI tomorrow."

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The next day, Yuto and Yushou travelled over to Domino City and to the Spirit Arcadia Institute, commonly known as SAI.
After carefully manoeuvring around the anti-monster protesters that were at the front of the building, they walked around to the side to a smaller entrance.
Yushou pressed a button beside the door, which sent out a short buzzing sound. Soon after, they were let in by a member of the staff there.

From here, they walked through the building and outside to where the Spirit House, a large, almost greenhouse looking structure, stood. Here they were greeted by a young, enthusiastic girl with brown hair.

"Yushou-san! It's good to see you!"

Yushou smiled and greeted the girl. "It's good to see you too, Tomoko."
He then turned towards Yuto.
"Yuto. This is Tomoko. She works at the Spirit House here at SAI. She's been the one assisting me with this idea I have."

"So you're Yuto! It's great to finally meet you!" Tomoko exclaimed. "You really do look a lot like Yuya!"

Yuto was reminded that Yuya did occasionally volunteer at the Spirit House here, as he enjoyed being around the Duel Monster Spirits.

"It's nice to meet you too."

"I've brought Yuto here to finally meet the spirit we've been training." Yushou told Tomoko. Yuto raised an eyebrow at this, as the girl beamed and waved for them to follow.

"No problem! Just follow me!"

Walking into the Spirit House, Yuto glanced around at all the plants that were growing in there, as well as the Monster Spirits that curiously gathered around them.

"Just wait here and I'll get him for you."

With that, Tomoko quickly vanished out of sight.
Yuto awkwardly waited with his father, not really knowing what to expect out of this. It didn't take Tomoko long to re-appear.

"Okay, he's ready." she told them.

Yushou looked over at Yuto. He could tell he seemed rather apprehensive of the entire situation.

"Are you ready, Yuto?"

Yuto wasn't sure, but he gave a nod anyway. "Yeah."

Taking that as a sign, Tomoko looked back at some large bushes behind her.

"Alright. You can come out."

Yuto watched with curiosity as the bushes rustled, but his stance became more tense when he spotted what was stepping out of them.

It was an Ancient Gear Beast, although this one didn't seem a lot like the ones he had in his memory, or even the card art. It was smaller in size with much less pronounced metal fangs. It hung it's head low as it wearily approached, stopping when it reached Tomoko's side and letting out a mechanical sounding whine.

Yushou carefully watched Yuto's reaction to the Beast, how he tensed up and stepped back slightly, ready to run or fight it, but when he observed it's body language, he seemed to relax a little, although he was still very much on guard.

"We found this Ancient Gear Beast just wandering the city streets a few months ago." Tomoko explained. "We don't really know where it came from, but it looked pretty beat up when we found it. It doesn't appear as strong or as big as they usually look in their card art, so it's possible it was bullied and outcast from somewhere. It might be why it's got a pretty timid personality too. It's obviously been through a lot."

"Yuya was the one who told me about the existence of this beast here." Yushou added on. "So I decided to meet it to see if there was any possibility of exposing you to it. Since then, I have been working with Tomoko to do some training with it."
He glanced over at Yuto. "My plan is to bring it home with us."

"Bring it home?" Yuto questioned. Yushou nodded in response.

"The plan is to have it live with us as an additional pet to our household, mainly for you. The thought is that if you can bond with it, then you may begin to associate Ancient Gears with our family, rather than associating them with the negative memories you hold of them."

Yuto looked from his father, back to the Ancient Gear Beast in front of him. Yushou could see the look of hesitance on his face over the idea.

"He's fully trained and knows all his commands!" Tomoko chipped in. "And there's a little extra thing we've managed to teach him! Watch this!"

With that, Tomoko looked down at the Beast with a smile, saying only one word to it.
"Change!"

Upon hearing the word, the Beast immediately seemed to understand. There was a sudden flourish of energy around it, obscuring it for a moment, but when it cleared, where the Beast had stood previously, there now stood a black and white dog, although it's left leg was still mechanical.

"I figured since other spirits can sometimes take on disguises, I wanted to see if it was possible to teach this guy to do the same. It'd make it easier for you to take it out on walks and such. Especially with... everything that's going on right now..."

Tomoko tiredly gestured towards the sound of the distant chants from the protestors that were stationed outside SAI.

"Though for some reason, it can't seem to transform that one leg..." Tomoko pondered. "... and it's barks in this form still sound kind of mechanical, buuuut, we can easily write those things off as other things. It also has a limit to how long it can stay in this form. Usually about a few hours or so, though it may get better at holding it longer over time."

Looking back at the monster spirit, she once again gave it a command. "Back!"
Upon the command, the Beast changed back into it's original form.

"Ultimately, the choice is up to you, Yuto." Yushou stated. "You aren't being forced to choose whether to try this idea. Choose what you feel is right for you."

Yuto looked over at his father with a small, unsure frown, then looked back at the Ancient Gear Beast stood before him.
Everything in his body was telling him to leave, to run, to back off, that this thing was dangerous to even be around, but what he held in his memories didn't match what he saw before him. This creature seemed just as wary of him as he was of it.
Slowly, he took a step forward. And another. And another, until he was stood right in front of the Beast.
It seemed curious of him, but also very cautious.
Carefully, Yuto raised his hand out towards the creature, he hesitated momentarily, but then slowly placed his hand onto the Beast's head. He could feel the cold metal under his hand.
The Beast stayed still, allowing it's head to be touched. Eventually, it moved it's head a little which made Yuto jump slightly and quickly remove his hand. The creature responded by recoiling timidly at his sudden movement.

Yuto closed his eyes, taking in and letting out a deep breath, before glancing over to Yushou.

"I don't know if this will work, but, I want to give it a try."

Yushou walked over to Yuto with a smile, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Then we'll give it a try and see how it goes."

"Would you like to give him a name?" Tomoko asked. "It's probably the best first step in creating a bond with him."

Yuto looked down at the Beast and it's mechanical body. He thought for a moment, before going with the first thing that really popped into his mind.

"Bolt. I'll name him Bolt."

"I think that's a great name!" Tomoko replied.
Tomoko crouched down and held Bolt's face tenderly.
"I'm going to miss you buddy, but I think this will be a good home for you. Just be patient and hopefully you and Yuto can help each other heal."

The Ancient Gear Beast seemed to respond to her words by gently nuzzling her with it's metal head. Yuto could see that this girl had created a bond with this creature, so even if this didn't work out, he was reassured that he could have a home here waiting for him, but seeing how gentle it was being with her also gave him a small bit of reassurance that maybe this would work out.
They just had to give it a try.

Before they left, Tomoko gave Yuto all the information he needed to take care of the Ancient Gear Beast. She informed him that exercising him was still important, just as it would be to a regular dog, but it was more to make sure his mechanical joints didn't seize up. He didn't really need any kind of food like a dog, but she found that it did like eating metal objects, such as screws and bolts, which seemed to, somehow, help heal any minor damage it has and keep it's body in good condition. She also suggested regularly oiling the dogs mechanical joints to keep them working well.

Eventually, Yuto and Yushou left SAI, with Bolt following alongside them in it's disguised form, which the protesters were non the wiser that this was actually a monster. Though as they walked down the street, Yuto kept at a distance from Bolt, keeping Yushou between him and the mechanical dog.

This was something that was going to take time to become comfortable with.

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[Post]

So a few days ago, dad came to me with an idea for tackling my trauma regarding Ancient Gears, in the hopes that it will help me start associating them with more positive things.

Long story short, we've adopted a Ancient Gear Beast that was found wandering the streets of Domino City by SAI a few months ago.

The transition of having it in the house... hasn't been easy so far.
Just knowing it's presence is here has aggravated the nightmares I have, so I haven't been sleeping too well the past few nights, even though the beast has done nothing to cause it. In fact, it's incredibly docile and acts just like any other dog. Just... mechanical. It's also fairly timid and is easily scared.
I'm hoping the increase in nightmares is just a 'things get worse before they get better' kind of deal.

The cats we have in the house haven't taken a liking to Bolt either and tend to hiss and swipe at him. He's made of metal, so they don't hurt or damage him, but he still whimpers and cowers in a corner when they do this.

For now, I'm just slowly trying to integrate it's care into my daily routine, a bit at a time, so that both Bolt (which is what I named him) and I can slowly gain trust in each other.

I'll be honest, I'm feeling a little tired and overwhelmed with this change, especially since my mind and body keep making me feel like I'm unsafe in my own home with Bolt's presence, but I just have to keep trying to fight that feeling.

We're going to see how things are between myself and Bolt in a months time.